Effective Communication

A friend forwarded this email about effective communication, decided to share it here.

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: 'I am blind, please help.' There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words. Soon the hat began to fill up. A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, 'Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?'

The man said, 'I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way.' What he had written was: 'Today is a beautiful day and I cannot see it.' Do you think the first sign and the second sign were saying the same thing? Of course both signs told people the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective?

While begging is not allowed in Singapore, I personally feel that the story above is rather inspiring. It is amazing how a change of words can change a whole situation around. In the case of the boy, it improved his means of livelihood, but i relate it to how interpersonal conflicts can be avoided with the tactful use of words. More often than not, people just are not receptive to criticism, however true it may be. Hence it is prudent for us to be more subtle in pointing out the flaws of the other party. Instead of criticising them outright, we can suggest constructive feedback. This way, they may be more receptive to our suggestions and seek improvements.

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

Alex, Yvonne and Joelyn are the co-leaders of a youth expedition project (YEP) to Cambodia. All three of them know each other well from a previous youth expedition project. Alex and Yvonne are also involved in a relationship and it was their common passion for overseas volunteer work which brought them together.

However during the trip itself, Alex and Yvonne began to have differences over how the team should be managed as well as the itinerary of the project. Alex had inhibitions about allowing the participants do a 2 day home-stay at the villagers’ homes as some of the houses were situated quite far away. He had felt that safety of the participants would be compromised should any emergency occur during the night. Yvonne had a different perspective, feeling that the participants are old enough to take care of themselves. She insisted on letting the participants have a home-stay, as it would greatly enhance their YEP experience and allow them to better relate to the villagers through closer communication.

Both refused to budge from their stands and Alex even tactlessly criticised Yvonne in front of the participants. Yvonne felt that Alex was undermining her position as a leader and was deeply offended. Alex on the other hand, felt that Yvonne was being too stubborn and taking things too personally. Over the next few days, they were constantly bickering and even during team meetings, they did not see eye to eye over the little issues. It was plain that this was not just affecting their personal relationship, but also beginning to affect the team’s morale.

Everyone in the team is concerned that this episode may hinder or obscure the real objective of reaching out and helping the village. Now imagine you are Joelyn, as their friend and fellow co-leader, how would you advise them to put aside their differences and resolve the conflict?

Effective Communication Skills

Since time immemorial, communication has been an important tool in the continual survival of species. Communication has served as a traditional means of expressing feelings and as warning signals in a predator-prey food chain. It wasn’t until speech evolved two hundred thousand years ago, that signalled a new revolutionary era in human communication.

In a fast paced world like today, where everyone is judged by their first impressions, it seems that even subtle cues like non verbal body language are being picked up. This is especially so in interview settings, where time is not on the side of the interviewer, to be able to judge on a candidate’s ability or to see through his character and working attitude. Therefore making a good first impression through non verbal communication on the candidate’s side is just as important as how he performs for the interview. Having a good body posture, no over gesticulations, general politeness and self-confidence without bordering on arrogance all constitute to making a good first impression.

Effective communication is also important in maintaining current relationships and making new ones. It takes effort on both sides to compromise for any relationship to work. Often we seek to be understood before being understanding, which is the root of misunderstandings. Whether it is a boss-subordinate, friend-friend, husband-wife or parent-child relationship, it is vital to put oneself in the other party’s shoes. Therefore, I feel that being able to communicate effectively without any barriers would go a long way in maintaining a good relationship. Many a time, we may forget to take into account someone else’s feelings when speaking which may inadvertently harm relationships.

In a professional setting, the manner and tone of a conversation between superior and subordinate reflects their working relationship. Seeking to clarify instructions when in doubt instead of making assumptions can also prevent errors being made. At the same time, being able to understand and empathise with each other would enhance a good working relationship.